Saturday, August 11, 2018

Spaced Out

On Thursday Vice President Mike Pence announced plans for a new branch of the American military, a Space Force.

President Trump wanted to put Elroy Jetson in charge of it, but since Pence fears Elroy is gay, the administration will offer the job to The Great Gazoo.

Wednesday, August 8, 2018

This Week's Quote

I don't like the saying keep your friends close and enemies closer. I want my enemy on a different planet.

Wanda Sykes

Source:  Azquotes

Sunday, August 5, 2018

Lie in Ruins

The Washington Post  asserts that the number of lies Donald Trump tells has recently increased. The president is making an average of nearly 7.6 false or misleading claims per day.

If I lied at that clip my tongue would fall off.  And that would complicate my life as a lesbian.

Thursday, August 2, 2018

Numbers Game

"InfoWars" host Alex Jones claimed yesterday that Barack Obama is "having sex with 10 dudes a day."

How ludicrous.  It's actually 20 dudes a day.

Wednesday, August 1, 2018

This Week's Quote

The Religious Liberty Task Force sounds like the shittiest Justice League ever.

shauna@goldengateblond

Source:  Twitter

Monday, July 30, 2018

Monday

Attorney General Jeff Sessions announced today that he's creating a "religious liberty task force."

That's just how I wanted my week to start.

Wednesday, July 25, 2018

This Week's Quote

We are all here on earth to help others; what on earth the others are here for I don't know.

W.H. Auden

Source:  Brainyquote

Tuesday, July 24, 2018

Reparative Repurposed

Delaware has become the 15th state to ban conversion therapy, a cruel and harmful practice.

Trying to change someone's nature is odious.  But if there's any chance it would work on Trump's base, I'm willing to reconsider.

Monday, July 23, 2018

Copping to the Fall of Civilization

Tony Perkins, head of the famously anti-gay Family Research Council, wrote a column for the group's website last week marking the 25th anniversary of Don't Ask, Don't Tell, which he argued was "the first major crack in the foundation of marriage and human sexuality."

DADT, combined with the Lawrence and Obergefell Supreme Court decisions, has led America to a place, Perkins declared, where "the Left" is busily "obliterating every moral and cultural boundary humans have ever known." The goal wasn't really same-sex marriage, but any variety of marriage, and now people are arguing for polygamy and pedophilia.

He's on to me. I can now reveal that my true goal wasn't the right to marry the woman I loved, but to legalize polygamy and pedophilia. As well as cannibalism and infanticide, because I figured go big or go home.

Thursday, July 19, 2018

The Coup

According to Right Wing Watch, conspiracy theorist Rick Wiles came up with a doozy Tuesday night on his "TruNews" television show.

First he blustered that the prominence of openly gay journalists Rachel Maddow and Anderson Cooper on TV is proof that America has been "homosexualized."

America has been made gay?  You'd think I'd have noticed that.

When Maddow said on her show that America must start to prepare for "the worst case scenario that Trump is compromised by Russia," she was really saying let's have a revolution, claimed Wiles.  In his estimation, a violent coup was 72 hours away.

"Be prepared that you’re going to turn on the television and see helicopters hovering over the roof of the White House with men clad in black repelling down ropes, entering into the White House. Be prepared for a shootout in the White House as Secret Service agents shoot commandos coming in to arrest President Trump. That is how close we are to a revolution. Be prepared for a mob— a leftist mob—to tear down the gates, the fence at the White House and to go into the White House and to drag him out with his family and decapitate them on the lawn of the White House."

I've never heard anything so stupid.

For starters, it will be lesbians, not men, repelling down ropes.  Transgender commandos will invite the Secret Service to play horseshoes.  Half the leftist mob won't tear down anything, unwilling to harm period aesthetics, and the other half will be too busy reinstalling a White House bikeshare station.  And the only place that Trump will be dragged is to a tutorial on how to speak English.

Wednesday, July 18, 2018

Pick your Poison

Let's play a game.  Which of the following individuals would you prefer to take over as the next president of the United States?

a)  Pence
b)  Putin
c)  Palpatine

This Week's Quote

Trump and Putin met one-on-one with only their interpreters in the room for more than two hours. Reportedly, Trump wanted to meet with Putin alone because he didn't want his advisers to see him naked, which is natural.

Jimmy Kimmel

Source:  Newsmax

Friday, July 13, 2018

Taking Turns

Today thousands upon thousands of people marched in London to protest Donald Trump.

Thank you, Great Britain.  We who regularly march on this side of the pond are grateful for the respite.