Monday, October 12, 2009

A Soccer Snub

A soccer team in suburban Paris doesn't play well with others.

The Creteil Bebel club refused to play a match against a gay club called Paris Foot Gay. The gay team said it received an e-mail stating, "Sorry, but because of the name of your team and in keeping with the principles of the team, which is a team of practicing Muslims, we cannot play against you."

Further: "Our convictions are stronger than a game of football. Sorry to have informed you so late."

Was the Muslim team so late in cancelling the match because the players were arguing among themselves what to do? Are they of one mind now? I hope not. I hope present conversation goes something like this:

Goalkeeper: We stood up for our principles.

Midfielder: At least it gave your hamstring more time to heal.

Goalkeeper: I'm proud of us. We served Allah on earth.

Midfielder: Why couldn't we just have beaten them? Wouldn't that prove Allah is great?

Goalkeeper: We might have lost.

Midfielder: Ah.

Goalkeeper: Better not to take chances. Better for us, better for Allah.

Midfielder: Don't want to lose to a bunch of men-women.

Goalkeeper: Right. Besides, they had an advantage.

Midfielder: What's that?

Goalkeeper: None of us would've wanted to touch them. Hard to play football that way.

Midfielder: Oh.

Goalkeeper: They probably would've tried to touch us every chance they got. Nasty people.

Midfielder: Do you think every gay person is bad?

Goalkeeper: Of course. They break the holy laws. Every one of them should get a red card and be kicked out of the game of life.

Midfielder: Kill them?

Goalkeeper: Well, maybe just a concentration camp. Allah is merciful.

Midfielder: French law doesn't work like that.

Goalkeeper: That's the problem! No morals in this country! We have to fight even harder to uphold our standards. Plus they treat us like dogs. Nice to stick it to them in their Crème Brûlée.

Midfielder: You love Crème Brûlée.

Goalkeeper: Yes, along with Pot de Crème, Crêpe Suzette and even Bûche de Noël. But you get my point. Here's a chance to tell the French to go jump in the Seine. If they want to defend their faggot countrymen, make a big deal out of this, that's their problem.

Midfielder: What do you think will happen with the other team's protest to the league?

Goalkeeper: Maybe a slap on the wrist. Maybe they'll tell us we have to play them. We won't do it. Even if we're thrown out of the league.

Midfielder: And if we've broken French law?

Goalkeeper: It was a pleasure.

Midfielder: You stand firmer than the Eiffel Tower.

Goalkeeper: Thank you.

Midfielder: I'd rather give up breathing than football.

Goalkeeper: To be true to Allah, we must make sacrifices.

Midfielder: I'm not sure this one is necessary. I've read about the other team. They aren't entirely gay. They have straight players. They have blacks, North Africans, different religions. I'm thinking of asking if they need a midfielder.

Goalkeeper: I cannot believe it.

Midfielder: Neither can I. I hope Allah understands I love to play. And when it comes to hating people, I'm not as firm as the Eiffel Tower. I'm more like a Béarnaise sauce.