Thursday, June 23, 2011

A Clod in the Clouds

A Southwest Airlines pilot accidentally gave air traffic controllers and other pilots an earful when his cockpit microphone got stuck. In a four-minute, expletive-laced rant to his co-pilot, he complained that Southwest was neglecting his dating needs by hiring too many flight attendants who are gay, older or overweight.

"A continuous stream of gays and grannies and grandes," he said at one point, a phrase glib enough to suggest he'd given this speech before.

He held forth on March 25, but KPRC in Houston just recently broke the story of this Houston-based pilot who seems to think pilot's wings come with a flight attendant's ass.

Among the lowlights:

- "Now I’m back in Houston, which is easily where the ugliest base is. I mean it’s all these (expletive) old dudes and grannies and there’s like maybe a handful of cute chicks."

- "Eleven (expletive) over the top (expletive), (expletive) homosexuals and a granny."

- "I still wouldn’t want anyone to know if I had banged them."

In short, he's a terrific argument for lesbianism.

Because his microphone was stuck, pilots within hundreds of miles couldn't communicate with Houston air traffic controllers for the duration of his pity party.

The FAA said personal conversations are kosher during that phase of flight, but it wasn't pleased with the "offensive language and disparaging characterizations of certain groups and individuals."

An air traffic controller tried to reach the pilot, saying, "OK, whoever is, uh, transmitting, better watch what you’re saying." And later, "OK, someone’s got a stuck mic and, uh, telling us all about their endeavors. We don’t need to hear that."

That's for sure.

Five seconds after the prince of the skies either tired of chest-beating or got a clue, other pilots checked in with controllers. The first said, "Uh, Houston, Skywest 6285 . . . and that was not us." He added, "And they wonder why airline pilots have a bad reputation."