Friday, May 25, 2012

Guest Post: The Catholic Church Wants to Make a Man Out of You

By Ned Flaherty

The Roman Catholic Church opens its latest folly this weekend in Philadelphia:  a sports “tutorial” camp, for gay men, where they play sports until exhausted, then swear off their attractions to each other with a distracting array of prayer, confession, church-going, scripture, and hope (and hope-against-hope).
The application form confirmed my suspicions with this testimonial:  “When Father Paul Check isn’t praying with us in the chapel, he’s competing with us on the field!”
Oh, indeed he is.
A trifling $390 includes:  lodging, meals, a take-home-with-you T shirt, and a Cognac-with-cigar on Sunday.  Also included are:  “Risk!” and “Challenge!” and “Triumph!” but no explanation of how the fee might be discounted for those who just want the triumph part.
I feel straight just reading about it.
The papal premise seems to be that gay men don’t play sports, and straight men do, so if gay men pretend to be straight by playing sports with Catholic priests, and then also commit to life-long celibacy, then they can claim they’ve become straight, so long as every free minute the rest of their lives is spent in desperate hope and prayer.  It seems like it would be easier to just be a priest and skip the rugby.
Francis DeBernardo at New Ways Ministry logically wonders about future seminars:  “What’s next?  Baking Lessons For Lesbians”?

Ned Flaherty was born and bred into a Catholic household,
but the spell didn't take.  He is a Project Manager for Marriage Equality USA, and writes from Boston, Massachusetts.