Friday, June 26, 2015

Let the Wild Rumpus Start!

It's 8:25 in the morning here in Seattle, and I'm at work.  Pretty sure my boss won't mind if I dash off a few words on the momentous news I heard after turning on the car radio this morning.

Even if she does mind, I can't help myself.  The moment is too big.

The Supreme Court has legalized same-sex marriage across the United States.  Today the arc of history is a rainbow.

As my wife and I listened to NPR analyze the 5-4 decision, I whooped.  Anne cried.  When I dropped her off at work, we ran into a lesbian friend of ours.  "My coffee guy comped me this coffee," said Natalie.  How's that for a very Seattle way to celebrate the news?

Because it's supposed to be so bloody hot this weekend, Anne and I had decided to forego Pride.  We'll be rethinking that decision.

Wednesday, June 24, 2015

This Week's Quote

If your gym caters to a mostly gay crowd, you will probably get to watch "Myra Breckinridge" while you sweat.

Meryl Cohn

Source:  "Do What I Say":  Ms. Behavior's Guide to Gay & Lesbian Etiquette

Monday, June 22, 2015

Wednesday, June 17, 2015

This Week's Quote

If male homosexuals are called "gay," then female homosexuals should be called "ecstatic."

Shelly Roberts


Friday, June 12, 2015

At Last, the Evidence

By now you may well have heard about Australians Nick and Sarah Jensen, the Christian couple threatening to divorce if same-sex marriage becomes legal in Australia.

Sure, the Jensens have been ridiculed around the world, but I want to take a moment to do something else.  I want to thank them.

For years preachers and politicians have thundered that marriage will be harmed if gays can legally wed.  For years I've labored to understand that argument.  Now, finally, here's the proof!  On a planet of over 7 billion people, two individuals in Canberra feel sufficiently put out by the prospect of gay marriage that they might divorce.

That's enough for me.  I'm getting my marriage annulled in the morning.

Wednesday, June 10, 2015

This Week's Quote

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

Noel Coward


Monday, June 8, 2015

She's a Keeper

This photo and caption ran yesterday on the Humans of New York Facebook page:

"We met on a dating site twelve years ago. I sent her a message saying: 'I want to let you know up front that I'm in a wheelchair, because I can't hide it.' And she wrote back: 'Why? Is it bright yellow?'"

Friday, June 5, 2015

Throwing His Hat in the Ring

New York Times op-ed columnist Frank Bruni--who, by the way, is openly gay--penned a piece this week about the gaggle of Republican presidential candidates, and I love it, love it, love it.  Here 'tis:

My Road to the White House

I know a hot trend when I see one and I hate to hop aboard too late. So here goes:

I’m announcing my candidacy for the Republican presidential nomination.

Sure, I have severely limited name recognition in the hinterlands and, come to think of it, in most urban, suburban and exurban areas as well. But that isn’t stopping Lindsey Graham.

True, I have questionable hair (what’s left of it). But that’s not going to deter Donald Trump.

My weight has been known to fluctuate, but that connects me to Mike Huckabee, Chris Christie and Jeb Bush, whose Paleo regimen has worked slimming wonders. Forget his position on immigration and check out those new cheekbones! Memo to self: Out with the rigatoni, in with the rib-eye.

My legs aren’t as sturdy as Rand Paul’s. The only way I’d manage a marathon filibuster is if the Senate allowed a Barcalounger and microwave popcorn. But I don’t share his unsettling habit of berating female journalists. I just beg the ones I know to retweet me.

Like Marco Rubio, I have an inspiring immigrant story. My forebears arrived penniless on these shores.

Unfortunately, their country of origin was Italy, which people no longer associate with struggle. They associate it with Prada and prosciutto. One of these is central to my life.

Skeptics will focus on the pesky gaps in my résumé. I’ve never won election to any political office.

But neither has Trump, Ben Carson or Carly Fiorina, and her batting average, zero for one, is worse than mine, which is zero for zero. I’m undefeated.

I made the requisite trip to Israel, but it was ages ago and I stupidly neglected to alert the media, tote along a publicist, pose for photographs at the Western Wall and sup with Bibi. You live and you learn.

I haven’t published a book with a title like “On My Honor” (Perry), “Rising to the Challenge” (Fiorina), “Tough Choices” (Fiorina again), “Unintimidated” (Scott Walker), “American Dreams” (Rubio), “American Patriots” (Rick Santorum), “Leadership and Crisis” (Bobby Jindal) or “Unbroken” (oops, wrong genre).

My memoir, “Born Round,” doesn’t belong. But perhaps I can reissue it as “The Hunger for Greatness” or “Fire in the Belly,” if the latter doesn’t sound too much like I just ate bad Thai.

Clearly I need a “super PAC” and a benefactor willing to float me, I don’t know, $10 million? Possibly $15 million? Do I hear $20 million?

I’ll go to the highest bidder, and if it’s for a sufficiently handsome sum, I could last until the Florida primary and charge a Coconut Grove hotel suite and dinner in South Beach to the campaign.

I used to think that faintness on voters’ radar was an impediment to running. Hardly. In a recent Quinnipiac poll, 69 percent of respondents said that they didn’t know enough about Fiorina to have any opinion of her, 60 percent said the same about Carson, and 56 percent said that about Graham, even though he’s been in Congress for two decades and had himself surgically conjoined with John McCain.

I used to think that a groundswell of support mattered. Not at all. Last I checked, Jindal and George Pataki were both polling below 1.5 percent. That must have them losing to the margin of error.

I used to think that a shot at victory was the point. Ha! There are spoils aplenty on the path to defeat.

I’ll get to ride around in an Escalade with my very own Huma. Minions will buff my Facebook page. “Morning Joe” will beckon, and I hear that you leave the set with a commemorative mug.

I could even come out of this with my own show, provided that I’m not picky about the network, hour, format or guests. And with the right kind of stump speech and pandering, I could emerge as a deity to one micro-constituency or another and have a guaranteed place at podiums forevermore.

If I don’t make the cut for the Fox News debate in August, I’ll just watch it in a nearby pub with Pataki and Graham. Fun! We’ll do shots of Wild Turkey whenever Walker mentions unions, Huckabee invokes God or Ted Cruz praises Ted Cruz.

On second thought, maybe we’ll stick to seltzer.

I haven’t mentioned a platform. What’s the point? Christie was for the Common Core before he was against it. The Walker who ran for re-election in the Wisconsin governor’s race and the one wooing Iowans are second cousins at best.

Every candidate turns to mush. So I, in a blow for integrity, will start out that way.

Wednesday, June 3, 2015

This Week's Quote

I was like, Am I gay? Am I straight? And I realized...I'm just slutty. Where's my parade?

Margaret Cho