Andy Borowitz of The New Yorker wrote this satire well over a year ago, but it's plenty pertinent now, what with Christian conservative Mike Pence so close to the vice presidency.
By Andy Borowitz
INDIANAPOLIS—Indiana Governor Mike Pence is “stunned and amazed” that so many people appear to have gay friends, Pence has confirmed.
Speaking to reporters in his office in Indianapolis, Pence said that he made the astonishing discovery about gay friends late last week.
“A lot of everyday people have gay friends, and they’re not afraid to call and/or e-mail you to tell you that,” Pence said. “To be honest, I’m still trying to process it all.”
Pence said that from what he has been able to gather thus far, the phenomenon of “ordinary folks” having gay friends “has been going on for years.”
“You could be walking down the street, and without you knowing it, this person is friends with gays and that person is, too,” he said. “It really seems to be pretty widespread.”
“It’s the darnedest thing,” he added.
While Pence acknowledged that he has “no gay friends personally,” the growing popularity of being friends with gays has made him question whether he has been “missing the boat on this.”
“When I see so many people having gay friends, it makes me wonder if I should go out and get one,” he said. “But I guess that would be kind of hard for me to do now.”