Thursday, July 19, 2018

The Coup

According to Right Wing Watch, conspiracy theorist Rick Wiles came up with a doozy Tuesday night on his "TruNews" television show.

First he blustered that the prominence of openly gay journalists Rachel Maddow and Anderson Cooper on TV is proof that America has been "homosexualized."

America has been made gay?  You'd think I'd have noticed that.

When Maddow said on her show that America must start to prepare for "the worst case scenario that Trump is compromised by Russia," she was really saying let's have a revolution, claimed Wiles.  In his estimation, a violent coup was 72 hours away.

"Be prepared that you’re going to turn on the television and see helicopters hovering over the roof of the White House with men clad in black repelling down ropes, entering into the White House. Be prepared for a shootout in the White House as Secret Service agents shoot commandos coming in to arrest President Trump. That is how close we are to a revolution. Be prepared for a mob— a leftist mob—to tear down the gates, the fence at the White House and to go into the White House and to drag him out with his family and decapitate them on the lawn of the White House."

I've never heard anything so stupid.

For starters, it will be lesbians, not men, repelling down ropes.  Transgender commandos will invite the Secret Service to play horseshoes.  Half the leftist mob won't tear down anything, unwilling to harm period aesthetics, and the other half will be too busy reinstalling a White House bikeshare station.  And the only place that Trump will be dragged is to a tutorial on how to speak English.

Wednesday, July 18, 2018

Pick your Poison

Let's play a game.  Which of the following individuals would you prefer to take over as the next president of the United States?

a)  Pence
b)  Putin
c)  Palpatine

This Week's Quote

Trump and Putin met one-on-one with only their interpreters in the room for more than two hours. Reportedly, Trump wanted to meet with Putin alone because he didn't want his advisers to see him naked, which is natural.

Jimmy Kimmel

Source:  Newsmax

Friday, July 13, 2018

Taking Turns

Today thousands upon thousands of people marched in London to protest Donald Trump.

Thank you, Great Britain.  We who regularly march on this side of the pond are grateful for the respite.

Wednesday, July 11, 2018

This Week's Quote

I have broken more Elton John records, he seems to have a lot of records. And I, by the way, I don’t have a musical instrument. I don’t have a guitar or an organ. No organ. Elton has an organ. And lots of other people helping. No, we’ve broken a lot of records. We’ve broken virtually every record. Because you know, look I only need this space. They need much more room. For basketball, for hockey and all of the sports, they need a lot of room. We don’t need it. We have people in that space. So we break all of these records. Really we do it without like, the musical instruments. This is the only musical: the mouth. And hopefully, the brain attached to the mouth. Right? The brain, more important than the mouth, is the brain. The brain is much more important.

President of the United States of America Donald Trump

Source: Buzzfeed

Saturday, July 7, 2018

Pride Dust-Up

Weirdness broke out at today's London Pride.  More than your average Pride weirdness, I mean.

About 10 lesbians positioned themselves at the very front of the parade and handed out leaflets saying, "The trans movement with the complicity of ‘queer’ LGBT politics is coercing lesbians to have sex with men."

Apparently British Prides don't lead with Dykes on Bikes.

These were dykes on a high horse, essentially claiming that trans women are not women.  Pressuring lesbians to have sex with trans women is a "manifestation of rape culture."

It appears their argument can be summed up as penis=male=yuck.

While I don't agree, I do share their stated concern that young lesbians whose appearance or behavior don't conform to expectations of women might be feeling pressure to transition.  Let lesbians be whoever they are.

And let trans women be whoever they are.  And may all find peace at Pride.  Except for fundamentalists with bullhorns.

Wednesday, July 4, 2018

This Week's Quote

Ninety eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hardworking, honest Americans. It's the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then, we elected them.

Lily Tomlin

Source:  Brainyquote

Tuesday, July 3, 2018

Armed to the Teeth

Conspiracy theorist Alex Jones tweeted that Democrats plan to launch a Civil War on the Fourth of July.

Though I'm miffed fellow Democrats didn't inform me ahead of time, I'm ready to go into battle with the only weapon I have—fondue forks.

Wednesday, June 27, 2018

This Week's Quote

Trump didn't divide America. He just doused us with gasoline and fanned the flames.

DaShanne Stokes

Source:  Goodreads

Tuesday, June 26, 2018

Reactions

In a press release, the National LGBTQ Task Force criticized today's Supreme Court decision upholding President Trump's travel ban against mainly Muslim countries. The Task Force condemned the ruling as an "outright attack on freedom and liberty for Muslims. In addition, it jeopardizes the lives of LGBTQ people who may be fleeing hostile governments."

Trump celebrated the decision by issuing a coin to his penis.

Sunday, June 24, 2018

The Hoop Star and the Soccer Star

I've been waiting for this.

Since Seattle Storm star Sue Bird came out last summer and said she was dating Seattle Reign star Megan Rapinoe, I knew the mainstream Seattle media would have to get around to acknowledging the Emerald City is home to a fairy-tale Sapphic couple. 

Today's the day.  It's Pride day in Seattle, and today Bird and Rapinoe got a three-page story in the sports section of The Seattle Times, under the rainbow-lettered headline "Pride & Joy."  The paper announced, "Meet Seattle sports' newest power couple."

Reporter Stefanie Loh wrote, "Bird and Rapinoe are A-listers within their respective realms, and news that they were dating vaulted them toward the Ellen DeGeneres/Portia DeRossi stratosphere of iconography within the LGBTQ community."

Now you know, straight Seattleites—those girls got vaulted.

Pleased as I am to see this story, I'm holding out hope for an additional one.  I await the day the Times will have cause to run a story about two other athletes dating in Seattle:  a Seahawk and a Mariner.

Wednesday, June 20, 2018

This Week's Quote

It seems to me that politicians ought to use the same words as other people.

Barney Frank

Source:  Brainyquote

What a Week—and It's Only Wednesday

On Monday the White House aggressively defended its appalling policy of separating children and parents at the southwest border.  On Tuesday the U.S. withdrew from the United Nations Human Rights Council, a move expected to harm human rights—including LGBT rights—around the globe.

Donald Trump is to human rights what Lucy was to grapes.

Friday, June 15, 2018

Firing Blanks

The Advocate reports that today a federal court again refused to let President Trump's ban on transgender troops go into effect.

Judging by his recent salute of a North Korean general, Trump himself appears ready to join the military.

The question is whose.

Wednesday, June 13, 2018

This Week's Quote

In New York City, an Uber driver kicked a lesbian couple out of his car after they kissed. The real story here is that Mike Pence drives for Uber.

Conan O'Brien

Source:  Newsmax

Saturday, June 9, 2018

Trump Swoons in June

Just like last year, President Trump has refused to recognize Pride month.

I'm sorely tempted to say I refuse to recognize him.

But I can't, because he's officially the leader of my country, and in that capacity is doing mind-boggling damage to people, the planet and human decency.

No, I can't say I refuse to recognize Trump.  I actually recognize the hell out of him, see him for what he is.

A man as shallow as a kiddie pool.

Thursday, June 7, 2018

He's a Tool

I've written before about the ways I fit the lesbian stereotype, and the ways I don't.  Hardware stores fall solidly in the latter category.  I don't know a hacksaw from a jackdaw, and what's more, I don't want to.

But this morning I read about Amyx Hardware in Tennessee.  Owner Jeff Amyx put up a "No Gays Allowed" sign in 2015 after the Supreme Court legalized gay marriage, and this week he put it up again, this time to indicate his delight over the Court's Masterpiece ruling, which he views as a "great win" for Christianity.

If I lived anywhere near Washburn, Tenn., I'd shelve my disinterest in hardware, and walk into that store with the "No Gays Allowed" sign.  I wouldn't stage a sit-in.  I'd ask Jeff Amyx to explain every product in the store to me.  Then I'd prolong his pain by asking the kind of question I excel at, like, "What if someone put a pox on this epoxy?"

He'd get out of the hardware business in no time.

Saturday, June 2, 2018

Unorthodox

Rabbi Ovadia Yosef, formerly the Sephardic Chief Rabbi of Israel, once said "homosexuals are completely evil."  This week his grandson is marrying a man.

The pleasure I take in such stories is probably wrong in every faith.

Wednesday, May 30, 2018

This Week's Quote

Just because I said that's what I want doesn't mean that I'm ready for it.

Harvey Fierstein

Source:  The Big Little Book of Jewish Wit & Wisdom

Wednesday, May 23, 2018

This Week's Quote

I really don't think I need buns of steel. I'd be happy with buns of cinnamon.

Ellen DeGeneres

Source:  Azquotes

Monday, May 21, 2018

Love and Basketball

Yesterday evening, at the first game of the season for the WNBA's Seattle Storm, I sat next to a woman who said she no longer has season tickets. She explained that she used to be one of eight lesbians, four couples, who went to games regularly together. But three of the four couples split up.

She added that one of the women, whose then-partner was away, brought the woman with whom she was having an affair to the game instead.

Sometimes there's more drama in the seats than on the court.

Thursday, May 17, 2018

Punishment

A school district in Oregon is accused of forcing an LGBTQ student to read Bible passages as a form of punishment.

I don't know which passages the student was forced to read, so I'm going to guess they were from the Christian homophobe's favorite book of the Bible, Leviticus.

If so, I'm confident the student took the passages deeply to heart, and will never again lust after shellfish.

Help! Help!


Wednesday, May 16, 2018

This Week's Quote

My dad bought a self-help book on how to cope with having a gay child. My mum worried that my life would be really difficult. She had a sliding scale. I said to her, "Mum, I've got something to tell you," and she went, "You're pregnant." Then she said, "You're on heroin," and then it was like, "Oh my God, you're gay" – and I was like, "Yeah!" Being gay: one below being on heroin.

Zoe Lyons

Source:  The Independent

Monday, May 14, 2018

Leap of Faith

In his commencement address at a private Christian college in Michigan on Saturday, Vice President Pence insisted that religious faith is growing in America.

I think he's misinterpreting the fact that every time his boss opens his mouth most of America blurts, "Jesus Christ!"

Wednesday, May 9, 2018

This Week's Quote

Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.

Margaret Mead

Source:  Goodreads
Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.
Read more at: https://www.brainyquote.com/authors/margaret_mead
Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else. Margaret Mea
Read more at: https://www.brainyquote.com/topics/funny
Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else. Margaret Mea
Read more at: https://www.brainyquote.com/topics/funny

Tuesday, May 8, 2018

Preparations

I received a press release whose subject line read "Anus Tightening, Penis Enlargements and Scrotum Lifting: How To Get Ready For Pride 2018."

I'll be lucky if I shave my legs.


Wednesday, May 2, 2018

This Week's Quote

People who supported a pedophile in Alabama, a sexual predator in the White House, a VP who jokes about hanging gays, apparently draw the line when Michelle Wolf jokes about eye shadow. And they call us snowflakes.

Dana Goldberg

Source:  Twitter

Tuesday, May 1, 2018

Razzle Dazzle

There's being out of the closet, and then there's cleaning the closet.  One company here in Seattle does both.

The other day a straight friend of mine showed me a slick oversized postcard she received in the mail.  It was for a company called Dazzle.  Three times on the postcard Dazzle declared itself "The Gayest Cleaning Company in America!"

How do you fact-check that claim?  Consult the Glitter Business Bureau?

Dazzle listed six reasons to choose it, reasons aimed at the average liberal Seattleite, like Dazzle uses natural cleaning products, its employees receive paid time off and the company is carbon neutral.  The final reason, though, was "We're so gay, but you don't have to be!"

That one might test the average liberal Seattleite.  At least a bit.  But using gayness as a selling point to a mass, mostly straight audience, is a sign of progress.  So, for taking the risk, I salute Dazzle the cleaning company by raising my toilet brush high.

Wednesday, April 25, 2018

This Week's Quote

How long does it take me to have my hair done? I don't know—I'm never there.

Dolly Parton

Source:  Wit

Tuesday, April 24, 2018

Proud Mickey

At Disneyland and Disney World, you can now buy rainbow Mickey Mouse ears.

These rainbow ears will undoubtedly show up at Prides this June.  So it might be handy to know that a group of mice is called a mischief.

Thursday, April 19, 2018

Wednesday, April 18, 2018

This Week's Quote

If the world were a logical place, men would ride side-saddle.

Rita Mae Brown

Source:  The Book of Gay & Lesbian Quotations

Saturday, April 14, 2018

The Rainbow Connection

Guess what "spring's brightest craze" is, according to Parade magazine?  Rainbows!

The magazine declares, "You'll want to follow this trend to the end."

And they say we recruit.

Wednesday, April 11, 2018

This Week's Quote

Trump’s behavior with women is so immoral that at this point the only people who will stand by him are evangelical Christians.

Andy Borowitz

Source:  Facebook

Tuesday, April 10, 2018

Let's Ponder

Yesterday Illinois Democratic Sen. Tammy Duckworth became the first U.S. senator to give birth while in office.

I'm sure there's a reason this is such a rare event, but I can't quite put my finger on it . . .

Friday, April 6, 2018

Sage Advice

PinkNews reported on an exchange that took place yesterday at a Wisconsin medical school.

In class, the discussion turned to LGBT patients, and a student asked, "What if we don't feel comfortable treating someone following that lifestyle?"

"Find a different career," replied the professor.

And with that, the students saw their first burn victim.

Wednesday, April 4, 2018

This Week's Quote

Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted.

Rev. Martin Luther King Jr.

Source: The Independent

Monday, April 2, 2018

Masturbation Perturbation

An internet pastor has warned men against masturbating because it's "sex with a man."

Dave Daubenmire said that if a guy is being honest, "masturbation is homosexuality.  You're having sex with a man. You get it? You're putting images of a woman in your mind, but you're having sex with a man. It's where the devil will take us if we give him free range in our minds."

That means a woman who masturbates must be having sex with a woman.  Or half a cantaloupe.

Saturday, March 31, 2018

Priorities

I had every intention of writing a political post yesterday evening.  But the Women's Final Four was on.  Sometimes a lesbian has to do what a lesbian has to do.

Wednesday, March 28, 2018

This Week's Quote

Actress Cynthia Nixon today announced her bid to run for New York governor, and she debuted her campaign slogan, "Nixon 2018: No Relation."

Seth Meyers

Source:  Newsmax

Tuesday, March 27, 2018

Chills

The lead story in my newspaper this morning carried one of the most frightening headlines I've ever seen:  "Trump Turns to Fox News for Staff."

Thursday, March 22, 2018

A Lesbian Looks at Astrology

I just came across an old Chinese horoscope guide.  I was born under the sign of the rabbit, so the guide advised me to marry a boar, a ram or a dog.  The guide also told me to "forget mating with a cock."

That's a deal I can make.

Wednesday, March 21, 2018

This Week's Quote

It is not true that life is one damn thing after another; it's one damn thing over and over.

Edna St. Vincent Millay

Source:  Modern American Wit & Wisdom

Monday, March 19, 2018

The Pluck of the Irish

Vice President Mike Pence was in Savannah on Saturday, marching in the largest St. Patrick's Day parade in the South.  He laid eyes on many a protester, whose signs included "Erin Go Home, Brah!"

Apparently these mischievous protesting leprechauns made sure that every picture of Pence had a Pride flag in the background. That proves it:  Rainbows lead to gold.

Wednesday, March 14, 2018

This Week's Quote

A mother and a little boy were walking along, and I could tell the minute the recognition hit the little boy. As he walked by holding his mother's hand, he said in a real loud voice, "Look, Mother. There goes an old Gomer Pyle."

Jim Nabors

Source:  Brainyquote

Tuesday, March 13, 2018

Dr. Melvyn

A Toronto psychiatrist who specializes in gay conversion therapy has been found guilty of sexually abusing two of his male patients. Dr. Melvyn Iscove was described by the committee that decided his case as having a "special interest in the treatment of patients with problems related to homosexuality."

In other words, Step into my parlor said the self-loathing spider to the anguished flies . . .

Thursday, March 8, 2018

Fantasyland

An Imam in Uzbekistan recently claimed that if you fantasize about strangers during sex you will have a homosexual baby.

Rahmatulloh Saifutdinov preached that some Uzbek women are fantasizing about "handsome Turkish soap opera actors" while having sex with their husbands, which could lead to the woman becoming pregnant with a gay baby boy.

Men, he added, "are not allowed to imagine another beautiful woman when they are having sexual intercourse with their wives, because this may lead to the birth of a lesbian child."

If people believe him, there'll be nobody having sex in Uzbekistan anymore.  Except the gays.

Wednesday, March 7, 2018

This Week's Quote

In fact, of the nine best picture nominees only two made more than $100 million. But that's not the point. We don't make films like "Call Me by Your Name" for money. We make them to upset Mike Pence.

Oscar host Jimmy Kimmel

Source:  CNN

Saturday, March 3, 2018

Response to Roy

Roy Moore is asking people to send him money.  The peerless homophobe faces big legal fees as a result of a lawsuit brought by the woman who says he molested her when she was 14 and he was 32.

I've responded to Moore's request.  At this very moment my thoughts and prayers are winging their way to Alabama.

Wednesday, February 28, 2018

This Week's Quote

I'm here today because I hated everything else.

Wanda Sykes

Source:  BrainyQuote

Tuesday, February 27, 2018

America's Guardians

President Trump says he would've rushed into a Florida high school to save the students and teachers from a gunman with an assault weapon, so I say we take him up on that. He should resign the presidency, pick a school and stand outside it.

And Vice President Pence should do the same with a gay bar.

Monday, February 26, 2018

Olympian Achievements

The Winter Olympics concluded yesterday, and I know some Americans are upset that the U.S. brought home the fewest medals in 20 years.

Personally, I'm still reveling in the great moments. That women's hockey final was one of the most dramatic games I've seen in any sport. And because I come from an area that produces many winter athletes, I was thrilled to see American women take cross-country gold for the first time, even as I know much of America thinks cross country is only slightly more exciting than ironing.

But the best part of the Games for me was the clear presence of gay Americans. Openly gay Olympians Adam Rippon and Gus Kenworthy both criticized our vice president for his homophobia. Rippon was honest and sassy in interviews; Kenworthy kissed his boyfriend on live TV, and the world saw it.

And then there was Johnny Weir, the figure skater turned commentator, whose dramatic outfits, make-up, ever-changing hairstyles and snark earned him a gold medal in meeting and surpassing a gay stereotype. His in-your-face fabulousness must've worked for NBC, since they assigned him not just the skating but the closing ceremonies as well.

The Pyeongchang Games are over, but the Rippon/Kenworthy/Weir effect will ripple on. Just ask Mike Pence.

Thursday, February 22, 2018

Florida Fear

I just read how survivors of the Pulse nightclub massacre met with survivors of the Parkland high school shooting.

I'm not one to get nostalgic for the good old days, but there's no denying that when people used to speak of being united by terror in Florida they meant hurtling down Space Mountain with a friend.

Wednesday, February 21, 2018

This Week's Quote

She’ll do what she has to do. She’s not the worst wing woman.

Sam Greisman tweeting about his mother, Sally Field, trying to set him up with Adam Rippon

Source:  Boston Globe

Monday, February 19, 2018

Fail to the Chief

It's Presidents' Day.  Damn but it's hard for me to honor the current occupant of the White House, since I think he's a lying, divisive, narcissistic, adulterous, uncaring, erratic, delusional, incompetent, dangerous, opportunistic, racist, misogynistic, shallow, manipulative, transphobic, ignorant, corrupt, xenophobic, self-serving, bullying and traitorous embarrassment of a president.

Otherwise he's just swell.

Friday, February 16, 2018

Reaching Olympic Heights

Openly gay Olympic freestyle skier Gus Kenworthy broke his thumb during practice. He still plans to compete, he tweeted yesterday, "but it does prevent me from shaking Pence's hand so . . . silver linings!"

He went to Pyeongchang a world-class freestyler, he'll leave a world-class shade-thrower.

Thursday, February 15, 2018

Lush Harvest

I just spotted a bumper sticker I've never seen before:  "Resistance is fertile."

Certainly there's no one who spreads manure like Donald Trump.

Wednesday, February 14, 2018

This Week's Quote

But I think right now the Olympics are about Olympic competition and the athletes involved.  I don't want to distract from their Olympic experience, and I don't want my Olympic experience to be about Mike Pence. Um, you know I want it to be about my amazing skating and, um, being America's sweetheart.

Adam Rippon

Source:  CNN

Thursday, February 8, 2018

Pair Spin

Regarding this alleged spat between openly gay figure skater Adam Rippon and Vice President Mike Pence, I give it a high score for execution and artistry, but Mike Pence gets a deduction for being Mike Pence.

Wednesday, February 7, 2018

This Week's Quote

In South Korea, the Winter Olympics start Thursday. Vice President Mike Pence will be there for opening ceremonies but is leaving after that so he doesn't have to see the biathlon—he believes that athlons should be between one man and one woman.

Jimmy Kimmel

Source:  Newsmax

Monday, February 5, 2018

Copacetic Commercials

Several ads during yesterday's Super Bowl stressed that American diversity is a good thing. Regarding the LGBT part of the diversity equation, Kraft showed gay couples, T-Mobile said to love who you want, and Coke referred to "them" while showing a non-binary person.

I was so surprised I blurted "Them," and showered myself in guacamole.

I have no idea if that was the first mainstream television ad to use the gender-neutral pronoun, but geez, it ran during the Super Bowl. A zillion people saw it. Even if most of the zillion were too drunk or in too deep a carb coma to grasp what they were seeing, they still saw it.

These inclusive ads were a thumb to the nose to President Divisive and his base. In the age of Trump, America is not the inclusive nation of those ads. But it might be in the future. If the Eagles can beat the Patriots, anything can happen.

Wednesday, January 31, 2018

This Week's Quote

Senator Chuck Schumer, the leader of his chamber’s Democratic minority, said that negotiating with Trump was like negotiating with Jell-O. Food-wise, he gave the president the benefit of the doubt. Trump is squishier, and far less innocuous. Negotiating with him must be like negotiating with sour cream.

Frank Bruni

Source:  The New York Times

Tuesday, January 30, 2018

Color Me Angry

A friend and I were talking this morning about the handful of Democratic Congressmen who are choosing to boycott Trump's State of the Union speech tonight. She asked me if I were in Congress what I would do to register displeasure with our president.

I said I'd wear a rainbow armband, in protest of all the hurt he's caused the LGBT community in one year. She liked that idea, and said I'd need to wear a black armband, too, to protest his racism.

I realized I'd have to wear a green armband as well, to acknowledge his trashing of the planet. And a red, white and blue armband to represent the hurt he's put on American institutions. In fact, I thought, with so much to protest where Trump is concerned, I'd walk into the House of Representatives looking like a piƱata.

Thursday, January 25, 2018

Onward Christian Soldiers

Yesterday the U.S. Senate confirmed renowned homophobe Sam Brownback as ambassador for international religious freedom. Equally renowned homophobe Mike Pence cast the tie-breaking vote.

Brownback was an evangelical Christian who converted to Catholicism. Pence was a Catholic who converted to evangelical Christianity.

I sure wish in the process they had just cancelled each other out.

Wednesday, January 24, 2018

This Week's Quote

Hundreds of thousands of women across the country this weekend participated in the second Women’s March to protest President Trump’s policies. [shows photo of crowd holding signs]. And what better way to attack Trump than with exercise and reading.

Seth Meyers

Source:  Newsmax

Saturday, January 20, 2018

The Golden Rule 2.0


Before heading out for the Women's March 2.0 this morning, my sister Kim and brother-in-law Paul and I paused for this photo. Kim had made signs last night after searching the internet for slogan suggestions, and I'm here to tell you she hit the jackpot. Lots of people wanted to take a picture of the sign she's holding in this photo.  I guess many in Seattle like a good pun. Certainly many in Seattle strongly prefer the Golden Rule to the Tangerine Twit.

Thursday, January 18, 2018

Not Healthy

The Department of Health and Human Services has something new:  the Conscience and Religious Freedom Division. Its purpose is to protect doctors, nurses and other health-care workers who refuse to provide services that violate their moral or religious beliefs.

Oh, goody. Now those who dislike LGBT people or oppose abortion have a shiny new license to discriminate.

Trump's minions at HHS have just made us feel a lot less safe. May they be plagued with genital warts and goiters.